my dad’s remodeling prayer:

our father, who art in the kitchen,
hallowed be thy cabinets.
thy stovetop come,
thy sink be done,
on earth, as it is in heaven.
give us this day
our daily paint,
and forgive us our splatters,
as we forgive bad wallpaper.
and lead us not into formica,
but deliver us from home depot.
for thine is the oven
and the toaster
and the blender
forever.

amen.