candy corn

1. you know that seinfeld episode where george decides that whenever he makes a good joke he should leave the room immediately, so as to preserve his reputation as a funny person?  the other day i approached my coworker’s desk with some revisions i’d just made to one of our websites.

“i finished these up,” i said, handing her my revisions.

“thanks,” she said.  “i’ll route them in a minute.”

“okay.  check this out,” i said, pointing to my lower right eyelid, which has been twitching off and on for the past few weeks.  “the twitch is back.”

“oh, i see it!” she said.

“yeah.  it’s like an elton john song, except about stress.”

every coworker within earshot laughed.  “thank you!” i said, and ran back to my desk.  no point saying anything else after that.

2. this weekend is my ten-year high school reunion.  against our better judgement, jessica and i have decided to attend.  the way we see it, we’ll either a) talk to people we liked then and probably like now, b) talk to people we didn’t know/like then but like now, or c) stick together and mock everyone.

a few of my coworkers have suggested that jessica and i claim we invented post-it notes.  but i don’t think i need a crutch.  i’m going to dress like the best version of me, talk about the me version of me to anyone who asks, and try to have a good time regardless of what high school was like (not that great).

that said, i’ve had a terrible time finding shoes.  i almost never wear shoes that could be considered dressy; they’re expensive and i can’t walk properly in them.  yesterday at the shoe store, three employees came up to ask me if i needed help finding anything.  i said no thanks, i’m fine, but what i wanted to say was, “yeah, i’m looking for some dressy shoes that are comfortable, attractive, cheap, easy to walk in, and make me look about seven feet tall.”  i may as well have asked them to sprinkle magic dust on my feet.

i ended up buying a pair of semi-comfortable, extremely attractive, relatively expensive, difficult-to-walk-in shoes that make me look about seven feet tall.  the financial aspect alone took me twenty minutes of deliberation.  i am, at heart, someone who thinks that five-dollar vintage shoes are better than all the expensive shoes in the world.

it seems rather fitting that i should attend my high-school reunion with a giant zit on my face.  apparently, my face agrees.

3. cooler weather makes almost any place feel like home to me.  almost.