“know why i want to marry someone who drinks coffee?” kelly said as she sat down near the end of the bar.

i was waiting for the bartender to make the drinks i had ordered for one of my tables.  “because you drink coffee?” i said, fishing limes out of the bin with a plastic sword.  “because you drink coffee a lot and if he drinks coffee and you drink coffee and you kiss, the dual coffee breaths will cancel each other out?  like how if two people eat sandwiches with onions and then they kiss, the oniony taste isn’t a problem?  like how two smokers kissing isn’t like licking an ashtray?”

“no!” she said.  “because i want him to make it for me!”

“oh.”  i dropped the lime-sword into the gin.  “that’s much less interesting.”