i don’t remember falling asleep.

i’m awake in bed under the covers and the lights are on and it’s early, so early, and i’m just laying there, staring at something.  i wake up and the lights are on, so i switch off the bedside lamp and go back to sleep.  i wake up again, it’s five in the morning, and all the other lights are still on.  i get up and make the rounds, turning off the study light, getting a drink of water, unplugging the ropelight in the kitchen, pulling the chain on the ceiling fan in the living room, yanking the bare bulb string in the closet, brushing my teeth flipping the switch in the bathroom and i’m in bed again before i notice that all that artificial light has been pushing back day.  my bulbs and switches have been holding the dim glow of dawn just outside the windows, making it wait there.  since i’ve turned off the inside lights, it’s been seeping in through the blinds, floating into all the rooms, into my nose and mouth, under my eyelids.  i can see the glow, even when i press my eyes shut.

i’m just laying there, staring at something.