things i did the day after christmas in peoria, illinois, while my parents and grandmother spent an hour and a half in an antiques mall:

– crunched my feet in the snow on the sidewalk.

– took a picture of a snow-covered hooters restaurant.

– crunched in more snow, realized snow melts into dirty water, rolled up pant cuffs.

– crossed the railroad tracks. wondered what would happen if a train came by and hit me, launching me into a snowdrift, not to be discovered until the snow melted.

– walked up and down the missouri river, taking pictures of the bridge and riverboat casino.

– sat on a riverside park bench and tried to call you from my cell phone. got no signal.

– checked out a restaurant called katie hooper’s crow’s nest pizza. thought about katie hooper as a middle-aged woman, sugary-sweet friendly to her customers but a total bitch to her employees, who hate her guts.

– with a gloved finger, etched the word snow in the snow on a snowy bench. took a picture.

– ignoring a sign that said, “marina closed for winter,” slid down the ramp to the marina. nearly slipped in snow and fell into the frozen river. took off one glove to gather and throw a snowball. decided snowballs aren’t fun when you’re throwing them at nothing.

– walked, accidentally, through a snow-covered flowerbed.

– sat at a bus stop.

– watched an old man.

– saw a mushroom cap squished into the concrete in a parking lot. decided it probably went overboard from some delivery to one of those chain restaurants near the casino.

– thought about what would happen if i slipped in this snow and fell down. would i scrape my face? break my neck? if the former, would i walk back to the antique mall, my gloves soaked with blood, frightening passersby? if the latter, who would come find me?

– called you from an outdoor payphone from underneath the entrance to what appeared to be a train station. told you that peoria was the best time i’d had my entire vacation. that this was my own personal christmas, not yesterday in someone’s strange freezing house with relatives i barely know.

– wondered if the top of the st. louis arch gets covered in snow, or if it’s too high up.

– walked along the river, back the way i came, seeing my footprints from earlier, backwards in the snow.

in my grandmother’s neighborhood, the snow drifts are yellow with deer piss.