did i tell you about my idea for a business venture? no?

i love living alone. i love sitting in my study for hours, writing or reading, looking out the window, and listening to one song really loud on repeat until my ass goes numb and i can’t stay awake anymore. it’s relaxing and freeing, and i don’t know how i could take it any other way right now.

but once in awhile i get this urge to have a roommate, but what i want is all the roommate fun without the roommate annoyance. so what i’m going to invent is roommate-in-a-box. it will be a dishwasher detergent-type box with powder inside. you’d pour the powder into a glass with some water, which would instantly generate a roommate. the roommate would eat dinner and watch tv with you, and have a nice long conversation about nothing in particular – or everything in particular, if that’s your preference. when you wanted to be your lone annoying self again, you would throw water on the roommate, who would then disintegrate. the next time you felt roommate-y, you would repeat the whole process, and the same roommate would come back, be really glad to see you, and would remember everything you had done and talked about the last time. different varieties of roommate-in-a-box would yield different roommates, so if you got tired of one, you could always start anew with a different type of powder.

it’s good, eh? i’m going to market it to all the colleges, thereby eliminating the “if your roommate dies you get an A” myth, as well as all the dorm horror stories. hmm, those did have comedic value, though. ah, well. look for the ugly, bloated, pointless roommate-in-a-box website soon.