some wednesday nights, some friday nights, some saturday nights, and almost all sunday nights are spent at the harp, playing darts with people from work. nearly everyone but me had their own set of darts, until the other day, when chris and mike bought me some. they are great, with their own little case and a special set of flights! see?

these flights are SO not me, which is why i like them.

it should be noted that, among the avid-dart-playing waitstaff, i am the only female. nobody else wants to throw with my man-darts, not even daniel, who doesn’t have his own darts, either. they are all mine, and they sit there on the table right next to my vodka sour and cell phone while i wait my turn to play. most of the talking that goes on during darts is either encouragement or trash-talk, depending on if the current player is one’s teammate or not. “come on, ali-girl!” chris says as i get up to throw. “all right, mike!” i say as he chalks in his score. it’s next to impossible to have any sort of meaningful conversation during darts, as it will always be interrupted by throwing or getting another drink or going to the jukebox or bathroom. instead, we are focused. we drink. we play. someone wins. we play again. when “under the bridge” comes on the jukebox, we all sing along, zombielike, staring at the dartboard.


“i’m really pumped,” mike said as he came into the waitstation, where chris was stirring his coffee and i was sitting on the counter eating a piece of bread. “i got some great shafts and some new rubber rings. it’s gonna be great!”

i knew he was talking about that night’s dart game, but i nearly fell off the counter anyway.


the lunch shift is breasts today fuck look at how her tits hang out of her there’s no way she’s old enough tell the girl at table 34 that i’m available for that’s not all i’d like to do her uh uhh uhh uhhh husband’s an old fatass she’d be much better off with me look at that girl which one any of them i’d like to fuck six ways from i’ll show her a good time in and out and through the sides and up the middle buck-ass naked backwards don’t think she’s wearing a bra mmm uhh uhhhhh she gets around with that guy who comes in with a different girl every she is dirty dirty with her see-through shirt and her nipples all that makeup what a total fucking whore

how hard they try to turn the pretty girls they love into the sluts they hate.