radvent day 4: forgiveness

Day 4: It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward?

I’m pretty good at forgiving people who ask for it.  Someone says they’re sorry and means it, I’m all about saying, I appreciate that, it’s cool, we’re all good. I grew up in a family where we’d admit when we were wrong, or if we didn’t think we were wrong, we’d say, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I’m sorry I did.

And that’s why I have trouble with people who don’t apologize for things, who think that to say they’re sorry is to admit weakness. If you hurt me but don’t tell me you’re sorry in some small way, how do I know you care about my feelings? How do I know you’ll try not to hurt me again?

So. I don’t carry a lot of grudges, and the ones I do carry fade after a few years. That guy I broke up with in 2002 that I wished had never existed? I hardly ever think about him. The friend with whom I had a falling-out in 1998? Eh. It’s been so long, I never see or interact with them in any way, so it’s easy to let that shit go.

There’s one grudge I still hold, though, against an old ex who lied to me, became sort of yell-y when I discovered the lies, and then began breaking into my email account several times a day to check for who knows what (thank you, Gmail Last Account Activity feature for allowing me to find out about this!). Try as I might, I can’t forgive on this one. I just can’t. Any advice?