also.  is this not the scariest photo you ever saw?  i mean, that’s me, and billy, and matt, and there we are at the empanada parlour, but who the hell is that in the background?

for three days i’ve been on autopilot, reading books and articles and running errands and sleeping and driving.  i went to the store today, and when i got back to my car, it occurred to me that i didn’t remember walking through the parking lot.  i didn’t black out or lose memory or anything, because i felt the passage of time and i can recall what i was thinking about, but i can’t remember anything visually about those few minutes.

death, it seems, is everywhere.  i’m thinking about the woman who drowned in a downtown elevator on friday night.  my god, what it must have been like to drown alone in a tiny enclosed space.  i’m not sure i can even imagine the panic she must have felt.

at sxsw this year, i was at the omni bar having drinks with billy, ryan, jeffrey, carole, matt, nick, and an acquaintance of billy’s, and we were talking about the death penalty.  billy’s acquaintance told us that his brother had been murdered, that the murderer was caught and sentenced to death, and that he and his family went to the prison and witnessed the lethal injection.  according to him, death by lethal injection does not merely consist of receiving a few injections and then passing out.  according to him, recipients of lethal injections thrash around and foam at the mouth and are in horrible pain before they die.  i don’t know if that’s true or not, but if it is, it happened this morning to timothy mcveigh, and i’m not sure i can imagine that, either.

both nature and the united states government have portioned out death over the last three days.  the deaths of kristie tautenhahn and of timothy mcveigh happened under very different circumstances to two very different people.  i am, however, really bothered by the fact that while our government has the power to kill just as gruesomely as nature does, it also has, unlike nature, the power to kill discriminately, maliciously, and for revenge.

oh.  what really interests me is this whole tshirt thing.  i hadn’t planned on buying a sxsw tshirt, but i had to once i saw that the urls of the finalists were on the backs of all the shirts.  how exciting is it that my url was being sold in gift shops on congress in austin, that people who bought shirts are walking around with my url on their backs, however miniscule the lettering.  awful exciting, i tell you.  i’m sure that eventually my url will be used as a car chamois or as a dustcloth, and eventually it will be given to thrift shops where someone will mark it with a masking tape price label (“$2.00”, it will say in black sharpie) and put on a rusty wire hanger.  sweet!

i want to know, though, what kind of tshirt traffic i’m getting here.  obviously, “from the tshirt” is not something i’d find in my referrer logs, so i’m going to have to count on you, the reader.  if you came here from the tshirt, please email me and let me know so that i can calculate the percentage of bluishorange visitors that came here from paint on some cotton.

right.