- 2x20 humbug -

SCULLY: What happened to him?

MULDER: Nothing you can ascertain from that photograph. The victim suffered from ichthyosis, a congenital skin disease characterized by the shedding of the epidermis in the form of scales. This shows the entry wound of the undetermined weapon...

...So what do you think, Scully? What are your initial thoughts?

SCULLY: Imagine going through your whole life looking like this.




MULDER: Mister Helm, I wanted to ask you about this menu illustration. I recognized most of the historical portraits you've drawn here, but what's this here?

HEPCAT HELM: It's the Feejee Mermaid.

HAMILTON: Is that what that thing is?

SCULLY: What's the Feejee Mermaid?

HEPCAT HELM: The Feejee Mermaid. It's, it's the Feejee Mermaid!

HAMILTON: It's a bit of, uh... humbug Barnum pulled in the last century.

HEPCAT HELM: Barnum billed it as a real live mermaid but when people went into see it, all they saw was a real dead monkey sewn on the tail of a fish.

MULDER: A monkey?

HEPCAT HELM: A mummified monkey.

HAMILTON: It supposedly looked so bad, he had to exhibit it as a "genuine fake."

HEPCAT HELM: Oh, but see? That's why Barnum was a genius. You never know where the truth ends and the humbug begins. He came right out and said, "This Feejee Mermaid thing is just a bunch of B.S." That just made people want to go and see it even more. So, I mean... who knows? Maybe for box office reasons, Barnum hocked it as a hoax... when in reality...

MULDER: The Feejee Mermaid was a reality.




MULDER: You know, Scully, hypertricosis does not connote lycanthropy.

SCULLY: What are you implying?

MULDER: We're being highly discriminatory here. Just because a man was once inflicted with excessive hairiness, we've no reason to suspect him of aberrant behavior.

SCULLY: It's like assuming guilt based solely on skin color, isn't it?

MULDER: Yeah.




HAMILTON: If you're trying to tell me his twin brother can crawl out of his body and then go gallivant around town, you're as drunk as he is.

SCULLY: You said it yourself, Sheriff. It's what's inside that counts. I have a feeling that Lanny has an internal anomaly that allows his conjoining twin to disjoin.

MULDER: But, how? H-how...

LANNY: How could I turn him in without turning myself in?

SCULLY: Lanny, why does he attack other people?

LANNY: I don't think he knows he's harming anyone. He's merely seeking... another brother.

HAMILTON: Are you in pain, Lanny?

LANNY: It hurts. It hurts not to be wanted. I don't know why he hates me so. I've taken care of him for all of our lives. Maybe that is the reason why.

SCULLY: How long can he survive outside of your body?

LANNY: Long enough... to understand that you cannot change the way you were born. Don't worry. He'll come back. He always does. I'm still his only brother.




BLOCKHEAD: Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eradicate the Siamese twins and the alligator-skinned people, but you're going to be hard-pressed to find, uh, a slight overbite or a not-so-high cheekbone. You see, I've seen the future and the future looks just like him. Imagine going through your whole life looking like that. That's why it's left up to the self-made freaks like me and the Conundrum to remind people.

SCULLY: Remind people of what?

BLOCKHEAD: Nature abhors normality. It can't go very long without creating a mutant. Do you know why?

SCULLY: No, why?

BLOCKHEAD: I don't either, it's a mystery. Maybe some mysteries are never meant to be solved.


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