more of the what-ifs

what if i can’t get everything moved properly?  what if everything breaks or gets lost?  what if i have to tow my entire apartment in a u-haul behind my acura?  that can’t be good for the car.

what if i throw away something i’m going to want later?

while maude’s staying with my parents, what if they don’t sing her the maudezilla song?  or the other maudezilla song?  or worse (and even more likely since i made it up), what if they don’t sing her the “i love the puppy / she’s better than a guppy” song, and she forgets how it goes?  i sing her that one all the time.

what if i don’t get the chance to say goodbye to everyone?

she peed on my fucking rug

a year ago today i went to the spca and got myself a four-year-old chihuahua. she was bewildered and terrified and filthy, and she didn’t seem to like me very much. here’s the first photo i ever took of her.

the first photo i took of maude

and here’s a photo i took of her last night. she’s not usually wearing clothes, and the wink was purely accidental, but i still think it’s a good representation.

the most recent photo i took of maude

she looks better, doesn’t she? she’s (mostly) clean, her coat is all soft and shiny, and above all, she’s happier. everyone who has known her over the past year remarks on how much her behavior’s improved. she prances around with her tail up most of the time, and she (almost) never shrinks down into herself when she meets new people anymore.

the first week she was here, it felt strange to have another living thing around. i wondered if i’d get used to maude being there, if i’d ever stop feeling like i wasn’t alone in my apartment because of a tiny dog. a year later, i don’t know what i’d do without her.

happy anniversary, maude.


i dropped maude off at my parents’ house tonight.  i’m not leaving for austin until tomorrow, but with everything i have to do to get ready in the morning, i didn’t want to worry about her, too.

when i go out of town, i always miss maude a little.  i’m usually busy when i’m gone, so i don’t think about her too much, and i almost never call my parents to ask about her more than once.  after all, i know she’s going to be okay, and they would call me if anything went wrong.  but i do miss her a little.

when i’m in my apartment without maude, i miss her a lot.  it’s so strange to be here by myself: to have dinner without her coming over to see what i’m eating, to watch tv without her next to me on the couch, to do laundry without having to take her out of her comfy spot in the basket of dirty clothes.  there are empty little chihuahua-shaped spaces all over the place.

i’ll be out of town for over a week this time.  when i come back, maude will be happy to see me.  she’ll run around the room in circles, wag her tail like mad, and jump up to lick my face.  i’ll be pretty happy to see her, too.