i thought my life would be different somehow

I turn thirty-one tomorrow. Tonight I vacuumed my apartment, washed the dishes, dusted the furniture, dyed my hair, painted my toenails, and put all my clothes away. I was thinking about what it was like when I was a kid and I would always feel different on my birthday.  I would wake up on May 6 feeling as though some subtle thing about me had changed overnight. I wasn’t nine anymore, I was ten, and that meant something.

I miss that feeling. Maybe waking up to a clean apartment and pretty red toenails is the next best thing.

These days I have a hard time focusing on the good things in my life. I have a great apartment, an adorable dog, good friends and family, a job, a car that works, a city in which I finally feel at home. I can make almost anything that doesn’t involve welding or a saw, my hair looks great, and sushi is readily available.  These are things I need to remember.

Oh, nine-year-old website, what will I do with you?