there’s a guy who lives in my apartment complex.  i see him around a lot, usually walking back and forth between his little sports car and his apartment.  he’s almost always singing to himself when he does this, but he seems normal when he says hi to me in passing, so i guess the singing just means he likes singing.  and he helped me spatula the ice off my car that one time, which, as apartment neighbors go, makes him downright spectacular.  spatulacular.  spatulastic?

tonight he was outside when i took maude out.

“hey, how’s it going?” he said.

“i’m okay, how are you?” i said.

“not too bad.  what are you up to tonight?”

“i just got done doing some work.”

“you work a lot, huh?”

“eh, i guess.”

“you smoke or drink or anything?”

i assumed he was talking about pot.  “well, i guess i drink sometimes, but i don’t really smoke.  it always just made me kind of tired.”

“yeah.  wait, pot?”

“yes.  i always get sleepy when i try it, so i figure that the perfectly good weed i could smoke is better used by someone who might actually enjoy it.”

“you were smoking schwag?”

“sometimes.  sometimes it was good stuff but it still never worked.”

“yeah, that happens.  i don’t really smoke that much.  well, i work at a pipe store.  so i’m around smokers all the time.”

“i guess you would be, yeah.”

“but i try not to spend too much time with them.  i mean, i smoke sometimes, but i try not to hang out that often.  are you seeing anyone?”

i always want to lie about this but i can never get up the nerve.  “uh, no.”

“how long have you been single?”

“oh, awhile.  but that’s sort of on purpose, since i don’t really want to live in austin anymore.”

“yeah, i want to move to san marcos.”


“yeah, it seems like a cool town, quiet, lot of cool kids and bars.  car accidents.”

“car accidents?”

“yeah, but they have those here too.”

“i think they have those everywhere.”

“yeah.  well, we should hang out sometime.”

“uh, maybe.  come on, maude, let’s go inside!”

why do all my neighbors in this apartment complex want me to do drugs with them?  it doesn’t upset me when people offer, since presumably they’re just being friendly (and maybe a little flirtatious?), but it sure does make for uncomfortable conversations.