What they should do is ask each American what he or she is most unhappy about, and then label the checks accordingly. There could be ‘gas rebate’ checks and ‘cable rebate’ checks and ‘dadgum Mexicans taking our jobs’ checks and ‘dudes kissing dudes’ checks. That way, Americans will know that Republicans care exactly $100 worth about whichever issue concerns them the most.”  my check would be labeled “republicans.”