i (don’t) like to do drawings.

a few weeks ago i had a shopping dream.  i have these shopping dreams every now and then; usually i’m at some sort of sale, digging through the clearance racks and picking out things i like.  in my shopping dreams, the clothes are always fantastic.  they’re like nothing i’ve ever seen before–intricate, unique and beautiful, with zippers and lace and sheer fabrics, and a lot of blue and green and orange.  i wake up wanting to shop, but i know i’ll never be able to find (let alone afford) anything like what i dreamed up.

the shopping dream i had a few weeks ago had a subplot in which star kidnapped ryan gantz for ransom, but that’s not important.  what’s important is that when i woke up from the shopping dream, i told ryan about it.

“what did the clothes look like?” he asked me.

“i don’t know if i can describe them,” i said.  “maybe i could draw them for you.”

“oh, can you draw?”


and it’s true.  i can’t draw.  when faced with a picture in my head and a blank piece of paper in front of me, i can’t conceive of how to transfer the image in my brain to the paper.  i don’t even know how to begin.  even a few broken crayons and a butcher-paper tablecloth at a restaurant frustrate me to no end.  i hate that i can’t draw.  i hate it.

and it’s not for lack of trying, either.  in the spring semester of 2000, when i thought i was going to be a graphic design major, i took beginning drawing.  i got a B in the class because i completed my assignments and participated in class discussions, but i wasn’t very good.  i liked shopping for art supplies, getting my easel and paper all set up, and blackening my hands with charcoal, but when it came to the actual drawing itself, i was sorely lacking.

here are the only four projects i saved from that class.  keep in mind that they were the best four out of hundreds and hundreds of attempts.

guitarthis is a grid drawing i did from a photograph of kurt cobain playing the guitar.  i like this one quite a lot; i’m proud of how kurt’s hand turned out.  since it was a grid drawing, though, it isn’t at all representative of my (lack of) skills.

bad cubistfor this one, we were supposed to take one of our sketches from the life drawing unit and turn it into something cubist.  i knew about cubism, but i didn’t know how to make cubism, so i turned in this cartoony thing instead.  i’m quite fond of it.

mea self-portrait i did while sitting on a stool in the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror, my drawing board propped up against the sink.  i think i got the eyes right, but the nose is too long, and the hair is a total cop-out.  also, i have no neck.

naked guythis one is also from the life-drawing unit.  the professor said to just draw the person’s body without worrying about the hands, feet or face.  i finished mine before everyone else, so i gave this guy a balloon head and a smiley face.  everyone, including the model himself, thought it was hilarious.  since i wasn’t too good at drawing, funny was easier to achieve.

the point of it all is that, since i can’t draw to save my life, all those incredible clothes i dream about will just have to stay there in my brain, mocking me.  or maybe i’ll try to learn how to sew.