1. woke up. the television was still on from the night before. i have this function on my VCR that allows a tape to repeat ad infinitum: play, rewind, play, rewind, play. during the night it had gone through two and a half x-files, some miscellaneous junk, a recent episode of scrubs, a rewind, two and a half x-files, and some miscellaneous junk. i watched the entire scrubs episode on mute before getting up.2. went to starbucks, the bank, and the grocery store, in that order. the guy in line in front of me at the store was a total jackass, pointing and ordering the sackers around. in his cart: two empty water bottles, vegetables, meat, and a giant bag of oranges. in my cart: fat-free ranch dressing, saltine crackers, lowfat frozen pizza, sugar-free chocolate wafers, and fat-free cafe mocha-flavored non-dairy creamer. maybe all those hyphens in my food keep me from being a jackass. 3. spent about a billion hours eating chocolate wafers and looking at nothing on the internet. 4. read. 5. fell asleep reading. i made sure i set the alarm first, because i was pretty sure i’d fall asleep reading. i always fall asleep reading. 6. woke up. ate frozen pizza while watching x-files. dressed. applied makeup. 7. went to work. ginny, my favorite three-year-old, came in for dinner with her parents. ginny immediately informed me that she went to the zoo and she saw the elephants and one of them made a big poopy. “that’s what the three-year-olds are into these days,” her mom told me. “it’s all about poopy and ca-ca.” ginny began laughing hysterically, and then spent the rest of the meal pointing at me and giggling. apparently some three-year-olds are as into me as they are into poopy. i’m not sure i’m flattered. 8. went out for a beer with trina, mike, and chris. well, they had beer. i drank a tasty, tasty coke. at the bar they had the “who wants to be a millionaire?” board game, so we played that. all the rules were the same, except with the phone-a-friend lifeline we actually called people up instead of picking someone at the table like the rules said to do. trina called her mom at almost midnight and yelled, “quick, i only have thirty seconds! who was vice president under eisenhower?” also, we added mulligans. if one of us got a question wrong we could call “mulligan!” and still get to move on to the next round with everyone else. two mulligans were allowed per person per game, and only on questions that were worth less than $250,000. 9. went home. read. fell asleep reading. how’s that for a writing exercise?