dear ryan gantz,
remember how you used to do a silly imitation of the way i dance and i would get all pissed off? last week after the scattered pages show, the next band played a cover of “satisfaction,” and kurt’s mick jagger impression looked so much like your alison dance that it was scary. it made me a little sad.
sincerely,
alison
Archive for September, 2003
remember how you sent me that little book you made for me to fill out and mail back to you? well, i filled it out and mailed it back to you. did you receive it yet? it’s called the book of alison’s garbage, garbage being a theme i came across accidentally. i was really pleased with how the book came out overall, so i scanned and uploaded the pages. if you didn’t receive the book yet, don’t look at it online or else you won’t be surprised when you get the real thing. 
anyway, i hope you enjoy it. say hi to your mom for me, even though i’ve never, ever met her. not once. come to think of it, i’ve never even met you. but i’m sure both you and your mom are very nice people, and i bet you’ll like my book of trash.
your friend,
alison headley
p.s. pages 20, 21, and 22 are my favorites.
p.p.s. i’m posting this now because the other thing i’m working on is taking me forever, and not in the good way.
this will keep the aliens from infiltrating your thoughts. save yourselves, folks, ’cause it’s too late for me.
my new name is fab. fab headley. i am a fake drummer who says, “man, i really can’t wait for that concert. it’s gonna be SICK!”
when people decide that they feel safer driving cars that are bigger than everyone else’s, they buy SUVs. but if everyone drives an SUV, then all the cars on the road will be the same size. it follows then that for these same people to feel safe again, they will have to buy something that is BIGGER THAN AN SUV. which means that my honda and i are destined to be crushed underneath a tank.
“‘When I was growing up, we went on a trip out West, and there was a spot called the Four Corners, where four states come together. Out there, where they have the Grand Canyon and all these magnificent natural occurrences, people would actually drive to the Four Corners and treat it as a natural wonder, when it’s only there because some guy took a ruler and made a line.’”
