last night phil and ryan and i went to the seventh-floor balcony of sid rich, where we sat three abreast on a dorm couch, which we had balanced atop a rickety table so we could see over the railing.  green neon on the downtown buildings, spotlights on the transco tower, blinky glows from the university, and we drank three-dollar bulgarian wine and talked about nothing and stuff all at once.  in the end, we threw paper airplanes over the side and watched them spin spin all the way down.

and then i am terrible at goodbyes, so all i could say was “you suck,” and “okay” a lot.  phil is going to cambridge for a year and all i got was his lousy bookshelf and coffee table.  so now who’s going to go to study at artiste and notsuoh with me?  who will i drink wine with and hang out at rice with?  who’s going to take me to valhalla and act interested in what i have to say?

today phil is gone.  i took ryan to the airport, and drove home empty and sad.  scarecrows, i’ll miss you most of all.