my freezer presently contains skyy vodka, absolut vodka, four trays of ice cubes, a sno-cone, and two one-pound bags of coffee beans. my refrigerator presently cotains one jug of skim milk, eight cans of coke, two liters of tonic water, leftover white rice, three units of fruit, half a sack of chex mix, two bottles of bass ale, a large quanity of bright-blue liquid in a jug with a printed label that reads “langer’s cranberry 100”, two and one-half limes, twelve ounces of rose’s lime juice, and five condiments: dijon mustard, hershey’s syrup, soy sauce, butter, and salad dressing. are butter and salad dressing condiments? i think so.

lastly, a ticket stub from the movie unbreakable is hiding inside the little butter-garage built into the door of my refrigerator. i don’t store my sticks of butter in the butter-garage, so it’s possible that the stub has been hiding there since november twenty-fourth. that’s the date on the ticket stub, anyway.

if someone were to come visit me, and that person became hungry, he/she sure would be out of luck. fortunately, my pantry contains vegetable oil, pam, and buttloads of plastic wrap.