i was at sherlock’s this evening, sitting in the big comfy chairs with adam and jessica, talking finals and taas testing and whatever it is that college students and high-school teachers talk about. an obviously drunk guy had been openly staring in our direction for a few minutes, and came over to us.
“hey, do you mind if i share this seat with you?” he asked me.
“sure, fine,” i said, thinking that he would sit on the arm of the chair, which was huge, with plenty of space for sitting. but, no, he squeezed in right next to me in the chair, a chair not made for two people, and especially not for two complete strangers. i was forced to squish myself into the corner, trying not to spill my beer.
“um, i was thinking you’d sit on the arm of the chair,” i said indignantly, trying to maintain my personal space while sitting in a tiny chair with a creepy guy.
“oh, sorry,” he said, moving onto the arm of the chair. “i just thought you seemed nice, and i wanted to come over and talk to you.” jessica and adam and i looked at each other uncomfortably.
from there an odd conversation ensued, the sort of conversation that can only take place between the drunk and the sober. i was answering his questions quite rudely, trying to get him to go away and trying to amuse adam and jessica at the same time. we discussed his horrible haircut, my college education, his lack of one, whether or not it’s better to be an asshole in life, getting one’s balls sucked out by the man, and so forth. the exchange ended when he asked us if we’d done any drugs and did we want to do some, and jessica told him to go away.
“well, you’re nice,” he said to me, “and smart. you do have a lot of attitude, but i suppose you can get away with that since you’re so pretty.”
god, he must have been drunk.