i went for a walk with rob and dave tonight. we walked across the freeway over the new dunlavy bridge, and then walked back across it over the identical new mandell bridge. i walked apart from rob and dave, on the sidewalk with the hedges between us so they couldn’t see me. it was raining, but it was raining the kind of rain where it’s not actually rain but tiny floating vapors you can only see in the headlights of cars and the lights under awnings. it kept hitting my contact lenses, making little circles around all the streetlights and traffic signals. i was all alone behind the hedges and behind my blurry eyes, walking with and without friends.

today is sad, for reasons i can’t really place other than that i desperately desire something beautiful. and all day i’ve been missing something terribly, something i feel lost without, but i don’t know what it is.