so i was at the harp tonight, sitting in the plastic picnic chairs with vivek, discussing the effects of drugs on our society, or arguing over if it was johnny hates jazz that sang “hold me now,” or something. now i love the harp, but it’s not without its share of complete wackos, and this evening was no exception.

a guy in dirty jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt holding a bouquet of flowers approached us, selling said flowers for two dollars apiece. he put some of the flowers on the table, and we coughed up the two dollars. i was wearing a tank top, and shockingly, the guy picked up one of the sunflowers and attempted to stick it down my shirt, apparently aiming for cleavage, or something. naturally, i jerked away immediately before he could touch me, thoroughly disgusted.

“no, sir,” i said indignantly, in my usual eloquent fashion.

“all right, man, that’s enough,” said vivek.

the guy grabbed his two dollars and headed off to the next table.

so how exactly can this help his sales, i wonder? from a purely marketing standpoint, attempting to put flowers down women’s shirts cannot possibly be a successful gimmick. what did he think i was going to say?

“please, mr. greasy streetwalker guy, i know you’re a complete stranger, but i’d be so delighted if you would put a lovely flower arrangement between my breasts, at a cost of only two dollars to me! martha stewart should be this resourceful!”

not that greasy streetwalker guys usually come up with marketing gimmicks, but come on now.